I have begun a meditation practice. I’m reluctant to call it a “ practice” because I don’t want to jinx myself. I want this pattern to continue.
I’ve been trying to begin a meditation practice for quite a while, years actually, but these last few days I have found myself actually doing the “daily calm” on the Calm app.
It’s interesting because in a way I think of this particular meditation as a kind of daily “devotion” with a lot of breathing. And that’s actually okay with me because I have found it to be helpful. I often get lost, or I fall to sleep, or my mind wanders to things that are close to my focused attention but I still can’t stay focused when I wander back.
But it doesn’t matter because showing up to meditate is the important thing and I’m doing that.
I just read Atomic Habits, an extremely popular self-help book about how to take charge of your life and form the habits that you want to have and get rid of the habits that you don’t want to have. It was not as annoying as many self-help books that I have read, but I read (listened to) much of it at 1.2 speed.
Still I did learn some things that I think are useful, the chief of which are–
1– focusing on the systems instead of the goals. This is another way of saying “baby steps.” For instance you would start your day by putting on your tennis shoes and this would be the first step on the way to starting a walking habit. For some people it’s easy to learn to signal themselves in this way and I’ve read about the helpfulness of this for years long before this book.
2– The author suggests that you learn to align yourself with a particular viewpoint/set of behaviors, i.e. so that the new behavior becomes who you are–you become a non-smoker you become a healthy person you become a musician you become someone who is kind to others. You do this by forming small habit chains that lead you eventually to a new habit. He mentions one woman who became a “healthy” eater by asking herself, before eating, before buying groceries or ordering food–“What would a healthy person do?”
For me that first grain of wheat, that small atom of a habit, the thing that has shoved other things over and into place was this–I was on the YMCA website looking at the list of available classes and there was an option on there to download the class to your calendar. I downloaded a couple of things and they show up on a regular basis and oh my goodness.
I have found myself in the water twice already this week, something that I have been trying to do for a long time. Years. Trying to get back into the water. Swimming or soaking, jumping into and crawling out of, going under and floating on top. Water.
Water water water water water–in the tub in the shower in the pool. I always feel good after I swim, I feel better with a deep sense of wellbeing. Really, I feel better as soon as I get into the water and the whole time I’m swimming. “I am a swimmer.”
I AM A SWIMMER. This is how you identify with the habit you want. I am a nonsmoker. I am a lover of green vegetables. I am a patient person. I am a person who flies small planes.
I am what I do (not a fan of that one, still I am certainly mostly what I do)
Those are the main points I took from Atomic Habits. He also says that you should automate everything you can, like my calendar and my meditation app and that you should strike out for reasonable/doable habits, not try to become a pro basketball player if you’re 4’8.
I do not like the punitive ideas he has for what happens when you don’t stick to your habit, and he has a lot of those. These would not feel motivational to me, only like punishments. I have already spent so much time punishing myself. I am done with that.
The most interesting thing he discusses, though, is that if you want to get really good at something you have to learn to love the mundane, the boring. Practicing scales. Working math problems. The reps at the gym. And even if your new habit becomes ingrained? Well, that’s the real issue–everything becomes boring. Eventually you have to take stock and move on up–where you will eventually get he doesn’t really discuss. What if you hit a wall and can’t go further? Perhaps you must reinvent yourself all over and that would be “fulfillment,” the Captain Picard idea of a good life–Improve yourself. Avail yourself of opportunities.
One thing I like is his mention of meditation and how distractions are the thing that make meditation possible–if you weren’t distracted you wouldn’t ever come BACK to center. You would fall into the flame, you would become the mantra, you would ascend to heaven (that’s all me, not him)
In any case, read the book if you are inclined. And try out the Calm app. Or something like it. I also have purchased a few things to help me–Breathing Buddy (I have the adorable bear); Self Compassion cards; Self Care cards; DBT Cards w/ a holder for them.
Show up.
And happy breathing.
