6/1/25
I got form-rejected by Write Bloody. I am over it now.
I did not have a migraine yesterday. I’m pretty sure I didn’t have one on Friday either.
Kiki and Ben came over yesterday evening and I had two cigs and some whiskey.
But the big thing is my arm is culsterfucked, and whatever nerve is doing all of this seems to be also affecting the right side as well. I have been assuming that the weakness… no soreness… feeling that I have in my upper right arm (on the outside so I guess that’s actually like the triceps) that’s been sore for a long time now, is just soreness–I thought it was just from strain from swimming and going up the ladder at the pool, but now I’m pretty convinced that this is probably related to that same nerve that has been fucking up the left side, for years now.
Ben has injured his back, and good. They think it’s probably sciatica which is what Dale has, which may be what I have–the symptoms that they both described is that it hurts down the outside of your leg and you get a terrible pain in your calf and I mean that’s pretty much what I’m dealing with and my back is bothering more and more to lean over to clean and cook and all those things that are pretty much a major part of my life. But yesterday I was getting ready to clean because Kiki and Ben decided to come to our house instead of us going over there, and Dale said no, you need to do the kitchen which is what you’re wanting to do, and I’ll do everything else and boy he did it’s like crazy how clean it got.
So about my terrible filing system on the computer. I don’t know how long it’s been probably four years ago I opted to get a Chromebook instead of a really expensive laptop which is what I usually get. I hated the Chromebook because I hate hate hate hate hate Google Docs. I won’t go into the reasons for hating Google Docs so much but it doesn’t have the functionality of Word, it’s completely alien to me, and I cannot attach a Google doc to an e-mail as far as I could tell, and that shows my ignorance. I don’t even know. There’s probably a way to just send it directly, but I don’t know how to do that. Anyway when we switched me to Google Chrome, a lot of my Word documents got switched over to Google Docs, or something, I don’t even know, then about two or three years ago I switched back to an expensive laptop, so so glad I got a PC, and it’s been awesome but now my files are just a bunch of junk.
I went through looking for the original manuscript of my chapbook The Terrible Baby. I could not find the manuscript, it doesn’t show up in search or if it does there are like a billion documents that showed up that I would have to go through. Anyway when I figured this out I started opening files because I had noticed that a lot of them were empty–I should say folders instead of files–many of the folders have nothing in them or if they do have something in them they have folders in them that are also empty. If I had just found a few of these empty folders I would think, well that’s your mistake because you obviously started a folder and didn’t put anything in it and the documents that you were going to put in it got saved elsewhere, but that can’t possibly be the case for all these documents that are missing. And the most frustrating part is maybe they’re out there somewhere, and maybe they’re not. And added to that is the problem that all of my early work from before I started using Microsoft Word is in a format that I can no longer open at all. I’m not crestfallen by this because I have hard copies all over the house of old work, and I have journals that have been published with my poems and stories in them. I also have my books in hard copy format so it’s not like I don’t have some kind of access to the files. But it is incredibly frustrating.
So here’s one thing I discovered also yesterday when looking through these folders, one of the problems is the visual interface between me and file search…Explorer. I need to be able to lock the formatting of Explorer itself on extra large icons otherwise I am literally overwhelmed by my new files because I have so many new files! I am constantly creating material, and constantly referring to old material.
I’m going to have a discussion with Dale Cook to see if I can figure out a better way. But before I ask again I’m going to try to figure out some things on my own which includes Googling questions and I may be able to figure out some things but literally if I could lock the formatting so that every time I open it it’s big it would keep me from getting so frustrated by the sheer amount of new files like when I open explorer. They are so tiny it’s hard to see, and yes, I have already turned my computer to display a larger font—any larger and webpages won’t work. This morning there must have been 30 new files maybe. And when my brain sees all of that it just kind of goes to pieces. Part of this was my fault because I had not moved recipes to the recipe folder and moved downloaded journals to that particular folder but a lot of it was just stuff I used yesterday that I dare not move into a folder yet because I’ll never be able to find it because my folders are nuts!!
Ok I think I found the problem, the manuscript I was looking for was in Google Docs. So there it is.
Must not play magic today. I took oxy on Friday night and then yesterday I took it twice which is way too much oxy and I’m hoping I don’t have to take it again today.
Lazy Sunday–house is clean, groceries have been delivered, I am flush on bagels, all is well in the world.
~r.
