5/29/25
Yesterday was good. NO headache good. I smoked one cig. and I stayed up late (past 11, but not by much).
I am seeing Food Coach in an hour. I generally get a bit nervous, so I am going to work on calming myself down to a slow back-burner simmer. And again, this is not about true confession, it’s about getting her help where I need it. I will not play the part of desperately-addicted to food victim. No, I am getting rather much better in regards to food. I am finding my own way, what will work for me.
I had a conversation with a close friend about the bizarre conversation I had with my daughter. She had good advice, chief of which is this—I want a relationship with my daughter because I love her, I am concerned with her wellbeing, and I need to her sometimes. It is really as simple as that. We may never be close. I can accept that, it happens, most people (some?) aren’t close with their parents.
But I do need some sort of relationship, to be in contact, to see her sometimes, to be her family. If she continues to beat the dead horses of things past, and to accuse me of things of which I am not guilty, then I will refuse to have such discusses. I want to move forward, not endlessly listen to her berate me for the past.
This is very reasonable. But it lacks emotion and I suspect that emotion is 90% of the problem. I see her Monday. I am hoping for a good outcome.
I am snacking on the BEST grapes. They were marked as red grapes, but they taste like Concords, almost like muscadines.
Last night’s Writing Your Emotions Poetry Circle with Danielle was amazing. The focus was fear/anxiety. I wrote something about my worst fear, Dale’s death. It pulled my guts out, but I did manage to read it to the group. I am always astonished when I write in these groups. I write some of my best stuff in there.
On to the next thing. I plan on cooking nut burgers at some point today. I bought this Hamilton Beach unfancy grinder chopper. I hope it’s a good appliance.
~r.
