03/21/23 I am feeling vulnerable. And I am feeling so good inside this new space I’m making. I am feeling a little like the snake who just shed his skin. A little. As I work toward adopting mindfulness, I feel lighter. And accomplished. But I also know that generally my habit is to become enthused, then work really too too hard, then fall away from the positive shift in paradigm. I do not want to sabotage myself. But I have the…

3/20/23 As I have been bothered by my appearance, by how others must think of me when they look at me (a dangerous line of thought), I just made a video of myself. I talked a little, then read a poem. I look, and move, like an ordinary middle-aged woman. I am not hideous. I am not extraordinary. I am normal. I do have a "buffalo” hump back of my neck. I have tried a few times to mitigate the look…

I am tired this morning. And bluish. And not wanting to do much of anything. I am plagued with thoughts of my weight. Of how I look when other people look at me. Of my age, trying to reconcile my actual age, not the image I have stored in my brain. I am dogged, dogged, dogged with thoughts of sugar, desserts, binging. To binge or not to binge. A constant question. An earworm. I feel overwhelmed and stuck. Of course when…

3/18/23 I am tired, but in a good way. I've done today the things I generally likedoing and some I don't do often, probably because I dislike doing them,but so love having gotten them done. I cleaned up downstairs. (lately, before I let Helo have at it with thefloor, I sprinkle the rugs with ground cloves. I am finding myself quitebrilliant in this. a little goes a long way) Then I let the little robotdo all the work while I sit and…

Good morning. So dragging my feet. I think I have to accept that I am just going to stay up late to midnight really and get up at 7:30. If only my body didn’t insist on getting up in the 6s. Cooked breakfast, as usual. Frothed the milk for my coffee—I’ve been doing this a while and I really like it. I was no longer satisfied with my coffee and it was time for a change. And actually I enjoy decaf…

3/14/23 because good things require good work i have migrated here, to Word Press, after a very frustrating last year dealing with Weebly. when i decided to dismantle my old website, i got to thinking about losing my blog posts and how important it was to keep them. then i thought of my old live journal posts. years ago, dale was supposed to get a program to “grab” them all, but we never followed through. i just figured they were gone.…

I'm up too early, much. But I lost an earplug and if I don't have them in, my husband's snoring wakes me. But I don't mind. I like to get up earlier rather than later, even if I've had only 6.5 hrs. sleep. I still haven't broken the Covid stay-up-too-late routine. And we keep playing MAGIC the GATHERING, which I have fallen in love with. And which keeps me up. I have individual therapy at noon. I look forward to this…