the abortion and the book of rules, aka why a fish was never a baby I thought I’d keep the abortion in a cup, a jar with holes poked in the lid so the moon shines through at night, so the thing will turn to a fish and... (contact me to hear the rest of poem--rebeccacookwriter@gmail.com)

because my little pony tempered the earth what's the face of this broken heart, its dreary, melting face. hey, ma, you look sad, hey, ma, you should try friendship love, and generosity. what's the face of a mother erased... (contact me to hear the rest of poem--rebeccacookwriter@gmail.com)

These Rivers Endlessly Endlessly Then I will swim the dreaming of my house, the well-mannered happenings of my house, the slip noose hanging from the frame of my house I will dream the bright waters of my house gathering in the broken heart of my house. For it will be the bear-claw quilt that... (contact me to hear the rest of poem--rebeccacookwriter@gmail.com)

because not even god I have put together the ankle to the hand pulled the body down into the arch of the foot secured the instep to the baby’s nose look, ma— it’s an inverted swing set it’s a solid acre of... (contact me to hear the rest of poem--rebeccacookwriter@gmail.com)

and for his head a sapphire crown They took him up in a net of jewels. Like a chandelier rising to the ceiling they incrusted him with light and lifted his body... (contact me to hear the rest of poem--rebeccacookwriter@gmail.com)

verses composed outside Nineveh under a fig tree wither the tree, the stubborn root choking the heart. blister us with the noonday sun we will not yield we will not go into the city. we will not god, we will not the promise of angels. we teeter on the head of the pin-- the windmill arms, the whoa! whoa! whoa! the long way down.

It's Monday morning. James has his heart cath tomorrow morning. Am I nervous? I think so. Highly irritable? Yes. Grumpy? Probably. I always thought these were symptoms of hypomania, and perhaps they are. But now that I'm in the DBT program, I realize they are also related to how I am treating myself overall. Not just too little sleep/poor diet/no exercise. No, it's more than this. There is mindfulness. Moving from moment to moment engaged. And there are skillful means. Using…

Today I did The Daily Calm and The Daily Move. This is my second day with no sugar. Well, the beginning of it. I feel better, not physically; it will take time for me to notice body changes. No, I feel better because I am not plagued with the thoughts of it. Enough said on that. Today I have my individual counseling session. I look forward to it. Yesterday I took the DBT book apart. It was the only way I…

Yesterday was an all-day migraine day. A day in the dark. A day spent alone. But staying in the dark, and taking medication, drives the headache away enough that I can function. In the dark. Alone. In my chair. (moving around too much causes nausea) But I did get work done~ I built out my capsule wardrobe (see the clothes.) I removed most of the black, which I've long wanted to do. I get so tired of black tees and black…

the winds of march churn the red sea, the rattling machine rusting the water, metal uncurling in the fire, abandoned chairs, full kettles in stasis on the stoves. we stop ten times on the way to the beach, the rearview recording our evacuation from the hills, the little valleys of churches, the mountains folding up behind us. sometimes we used to bring clear water to our lips, the clean spring water choked with lilies. sometimes we used to wake up inside…