I have been off milk for about four days, too. I can’t tell any difference in how I feel, but I am going to give it at least three weeks.
I was off Diet Coke, but I get so incredibly sleepy in the afternoons, so I have been getting one, though not as large as usual.
The Waffle House all American Special from yesterday afternoon turned to rocks in my belly is yuck is seriously why’d you do that?
See counselor this morning. I have been thinking of many things, which I will write about later when I can put everything into words.
Also taking beta blocker 5mg pm.
Wednesday night I had four Miller Lites. When I woke up the next morning, I felt light, so much better. I smoked many cigarettes and talked with Dale and our friend John. Aired some darkness.
On Monday night, after I had to leave EFM class lest I begin weeping, I came home, sat down outside in the cold and clutched the Lithium bottle in my hand and smoked and wanted a friend to be with me. I called John, who couldn’t come. I called Annette who wouldn’t come. I texted Kiki and Lanie who didn’t get the texts until the next morning. So I felt lonely and afraid, of dying, of never coming back, of never being the same.
One of the most important things to good health, mental and physical, is a good support system, a community, connection. I have Dale, my rock, my cleft in the rock, but I don’t always want him to be the only one to talk to. I don’t think it’s fair to him. So I think perhaps I need to call on new friends, like my friend Becky--we are at the same time in our lives. She doesn’t have small kids and she’s not working right now. Lanie, I saw her the next afternoon, is also a very good friend, but she is working. I need to be able to count on my friends and they need to be able to count on me. In any case, I have so much to discuss with my counselor.
Hope everyone is more awake than I. As the morning comes I get more and more sleepy.