yesterday I recovered all day from the night before the vomit thing again. it happened on the 23rd, after Subway. it happened again on the 28th, after Pizza Hut. the first time seemed like a bug as I got a fever. or maybe food poisoning. but this, Alex ate the same pizza. he said he was nauseated the next day, but that could be anything. this vomit thing is out out get it out right now it should not be here very wrong skull and bones. the only thing is the vertigo dizziness pretty bad. maybe the SAM-E was helping with that? the fibro definitely causes it. lithium can cause it. everything can cause it. there it is. but I do not like to vomit. no.
blood pressure is okay. stopping the medicine has not helped the vertigo.
today must have lithium level checked. maybe the vomit is that thing that salt? the balance the things I’ve read. if you up or down your caffeine it can do a thing. if you up or down your salt it can do a thing. I suspect my thyroid is affected.
lying about all day for days mostly has helped the pain. I am less sore. I do not have more energy but I have less pain.
before the vomit my brain snapped to. I am writing. writing is manic. I think there is no real difference. the brain gets on a ride and spins and spins until it falls off and dies a while. but I am not depressed. think I was Sunday afternoon. was it Sunday? maybe Saturday. grey shit skies day after day grey shit skies pull the brain the girl the brain with the girl straight down. but I am up now. words bring me up.
and just hello brings her chirking up. woke up starving will not make my own coffee or eggs must have eggs drove bleary eyed to McDonald’s the box spoke I woke a little then the face I woke more I tipped the girl she smiled I smiled I drove up got the food smiled again was awake almost awake felt better betterer better just seeing a face must get out of this place today this sick bed this head
recording, testing, testing, is this on? the little grey-haired woman so thin thin such a nose thick glasses typing all this up she squints--
off Sam-E swear head is clearer but oh this vertigo never liked that movie
getting lithium level today. should have would have last week didn’t work out. suspect a salt thing perhaps a thyroid to but she shouldn’t worry so much
mood not stable enough. must to admit it. need more medicine in it.
no alcohol since xmas. quite sure alcohol affects the mood yes yes can’t deny it. note to self—pour two ounces of wine into glass. linger it to sip it to last it outlast the buzz of it. note to self—nothing wrong with tea.
eating not so great. I’m on, I’m off. I throw up. yes? what’s that you say? can’t hear you.