went to shrink with dale and he we us decided i should taper off the fibro pain med-Savella, which has worked wonders so I am in for it now. When in emotional brainfuck pain physical pain seems a trifling thing. Seems so until the monster gods roll out their terrible machines with their terrible bolt screws and plow turn force them twisting twisting into one's hips which was yesterday after church after lunch.
then in bed ice on one hip heat on the other one oxy one valuim one heaping heap of bless us all everywhere relief. of course the rub is the oxy which don't work so great if you take it often.
Last Wednesday it was, 11-26. Seeing the shrink, starting the taper off. Tapering off the Savella ratcheted me up up but not so far up up because the pain came back and it's hard to be too manic when your body is blistering
Health. I am morbidly obese. My LDL was 170 this last time round. My blood pressure shot up on the Savella, I think, I think it was the Savella. My heart rate is too fast because I carry this heavy body round and round.
When I was depressed so deep down spring 2013 I lay in bed in pain and gained and gained felt myself growing my belly bigger then bigger more to wrap my arm around my stuffed baby my lost bear. It was such a comfort, such a sooth of a thing. Now here I am.
First---move. The single most important thing. Move. Not to work out not to exercise not to punish just to move. To life the spirit the body to lift to god all the gods they will come kiss my wrists and ankles and knees and vicious feedback loop of brain. Just to move.
The hard part is being so unused to moving. Even before I gained all this weight, even when I worked out with a trainer and was still teaching, I was mostly even then not moving very much. I was tired all the time. Then I got my C-PAP, which helped a lot. Though I miss being able to sleep twelve hours. I cannot sleep so long now. I wake up in pain.
So yes, first to move. And a new breakfast--oatmeal. Here's what's good. Put the saucepan on, a little more than a cup of water. Add raisins and whole unsalted almonds, let them boil a couple minutes. Add a bit of salt. Add 1/2 c oatmeal. Cook. Remove. Add a teaspoon of Stevia or whatever. Eat it. Adding butter is good, but. It's more sweet than savory and I don't want sweet in the morning. It sticks to one's bones. This morning also two dates and a banana. And coffee.
Second, find a sleep solution. Please. Got the futon. Isn't doing it. Sleeping on the floor may be next.
Second Second, no smoking in the house. EVER. Sorry, Net, sorry, John. Worry more about the rest later.
Second part the third. Do not spend all day in any one room. Do not type for more than a few hours a day.
Second part the fourth. Consider teaching a class in the spring, after I talk to the rheum doc, see what's up.
Lastly also watch the sugar cravings. Close so close. The head sucks and swills a doughnut a fritter. And it keeps it. And it snarls. And the tapes the old black and white tapes in the head start their rolling. Which means alcohol as well. As my shrink says I hate it when he says it You can't have everything.
Long away but maybe not so long to meditate a little as much as I can stand a little prayer.
This is for record keeping--
So that's 11/26 taper off Savella. Mood up a bit but fixed so far. It's Monday, Dec. 1st. No Savella this morning. Woke up with back pain. Went for walk. Knees hurt. Head seems clear so far. Chest absent its swarm of bees.