i don't think so.
yesterday was friday. i swam. then out for lunch. then centering prayer.
and then i was overstimulated and i went for more even though i knew i should stop. i had my friend come over to chat. it was too much. i wanted to do it, but i was too tired to put my thoughts into words, too drained.
i just want to be myself. but therein is the problem. i am the stumbling block. i am the delicate flower.
i'd sooner be a thistle. an oak.
actually, all this is the side show i suspect. i cannot sleep.
or rather i cannot sleep long enough.
i cannot live a life where i'm in bed by eight and up by three. it's too hard to socialize. to go to late church services. to late concerts.
i am forcing myself to stay awake until nine tonight. and we spring forward tonight.
and we've a tiny wintery mix going on, what we southerners call rain with any bits of ice in it.
and for all the world and all the worlds held deep inside my head i'd ask god to fish me out and dry me off and set me upright onto the proper path.
because i've blown off course.
the power couplings on C deck are entirely out of alignment.
(in a few years, no one who doesn't know me well will be able to communicate with me because roughly 30% of my language will be movie and tv metaphors and illusions.)