I am trying, trying. Just now I was type this I am listening to rain and thunder instead of the TV on in the background.
I have taken to the Morning Office and prayers.
Just after breakfast, I sat for 9 mins listening to bubbles and watching the lane line on the bottom of the pool, stroke, stroke. Eventually I will meditate. Or something like.
I have to learn to get ahead of the rapid fluctuations. Surely I can attend to some of this with mindfulness.
Though a large part of my mind does not want to rest, wants to flitter. And fly.
How to stop oneself from flying.
To level the plane.
And while writing all this I've wanted to get back to my divided attention and work on my food page, a mindless project I've been playing with. It is so much fun, but is it good for me? During my convalescence, I went wild with food, gained some weight. I became fixated with sugar and was fairly crazed. (I have lived with this obsession most of my life.) The food page is filled with the good things to eat that are NOT sugary crazy-inducing sweets that trigger my madness and obsession.
My mother-in-law's best friend died, a fantastic old lady who was a pillar in the community and the church. I do not say pillar lightly. We have a funeral today and though the passing is sad, we welcome the chance to attend as we have never participated in an Episcopal funeral service before.
Of all the things I'm trying trying working on is reducing stress. And this means that I will often have to forego the things that have always made me happy, like being around people. I must limit my exposure lest I am lifted up too high and begin orbiting the earth.
I am an extreme extrovert, or I have always been. But it is not good for me. The over-stimulation. I think I must live as an introvert. Perhaps I have become an introvert.
(i must say the online mynoisemachine is marvelous. as is omm writer)