Today we are playing Talisman with James and Alex. James always wants to play games, particularly this game. Hopefully he can remain calm enough for all of us to enjoy the game and I can keep my current viciousness at bay. For I am, vicious and mean and crabby. But it’s getting better.
Yesterday was our anniversary. Dale and I have been married 28 years. We got married on Friday the 13th and yesterday was Friday the 13th. But I was sad and distracted and completely forgot about it. For a dear friend’s daughter died and I am devastated about it. For there is nothing I can do or say. And I worry about Alex, living elsewhere. And smoking because he grew up seeing us smoke. There. I said that out loud. I hate the way that sounds. I hate how true that is. I hate it that I can mostly not smoke but Dale cannot. And John cannot. And Annette cannot. Alex can. For now.
I also have had a difficult time getting up in the morning, which is just not how it’s supposed to be. I have the sense of dread that comes with depression but I’m not depressed. I’m just bitchy and unfocused. I haven’t been in the water. My knees are wonky. But it is what it is. I’m just going to have to do my exercises and get into the water and do what I can in there. I need to take it slow and I never take it slow. But I must. So….slow down and buck up.
Homemade hamburger and fries smells are swirling up to my chair. I am having a HOT DOG. The rest of this day will be better than the first part of it.