Then a madness. Of plans. Of preparations. I have agreed to sing two songs, acapella. I am revising that today. I will sing two songs and I will pitch myself on the piano (perhaps play) and no one will see me singing. I would just accompany myself but my hands are, again, on the fritz.
All since Thursday. A lifetime a passing over and through, she away from us, the two of us left. And the rest of our family. My experience with death, has grown. I helped the nurse put in her partial. I have touched the still body of another mother drawn my fingers over her eyes that would not entirely close.
Today we don't have anything except the viewing the horrible horrible viewing. It is what we do here, it is what we have done these last many years. In the dreaded funeral home, and before that, in our houses. We will do whatever Net needs. What her family needs. And then, tomorrow. Funeral Service, Graveside Service. Dinner at Church for the Family. This is what we do. This is what we have always done, though I've seen no food in Net's house, for her. Perhaps that is no longer done.
In my old church, the phone tree of church ladies would kick into gear and food would appear on the grieving family's table on their kitchen counters. Casseroles. Baked Beans. Fried Chicken. Cornbread. Green Beans. A couple gallons of Sweet Tea. Cokes.
I must set my jaw and move forward. The singing is not such a thing. I sang at my own mother's funeral. It is automatic. It is only these hands. Dale was going to sing with me, but he has changed his mind and it is for the best. We don't have time to prepare properly for a duet. It's been years since we've done it.
I am with you now and even unto the hour of your best friend's mother's funeral even unto the chicken and dressing the potato salad the apple pie. Even unto this, the knowing, all these deaths lined up, waiting for us. The natural order of things. That we will watch them die, before us; or they will watch us die, before them.
I am profoundly profound of this my head my chest is profoundly changed. My body is a new thing my heart. I had not known this until now.
Lo. I am with you. Even unto the ends of the Earth.