i have thought and am determined to make this a do-it-yourself party. everything a guest could possibly need will be laid out for them. EVERYTHING. and i'm not going to worry if everything gets recycled, though i am putting up signs? no, i will not put up signs. no, yes i will. i will put up signs.
you see how it goes. how does one throw a stress-free party? or host one? i know. i will ignore anyone who asks any questions about forks and spoons and napkins and bowls and plates. just plain ignore them. or just say you're a grownup figure it out. of course, one doesn't. but i really would rather talk and listen and play piano than fetch. this is why rich people have caterers this is why they also have servants and still the hostess is rattled, at least in the movies.
and there is the no wine for you no beer either but please eat something you never eat at parties, much less your own.
and there is the what to wear my, my you look GREAT you've lost so much weight!
and there is the sadness tug at heartness. lulu must go to the vet's to be boarded. which means i can't get her until monday. one night without her makes me doodle loo. two nights is awful. i will be at the vet's first thing monday and she will be no worst for wear. i hope. (i will mention to them that she seemed to have a bug after they boarded her monday, 2 weeks hence.
hence? or thence?
i am backwards for sure.
for there is the lack of sleep.
there is the pain.
there is the waking up at 2 am from the pain. and 3 am. or 4 am. there is the daytime whoosh brain after the twilight night.
there is the unfocused girl. entirely.
there is the uncertainty. i do not know if i will teach next semester i do not know if i should.
there is the oh my god please. my agent says several folks want to see my novel. which i have not worked on cept an ity.
the chest bubbles the chest froths the mouth stuffs itself.
the woman girl will surf the day, or not.