I am just so TIRED. Last week I did one-on-one conferences. By Thursday I was so tired I couldn’t focus I almost had two wrecks I felt that I would collapse at the wheel damn the fibromyalgia gods for hating me this much.
Then I rested over the weekend and did more conferences on Monday. And just too TIRED on Tuesday. But then on Wednesday very perky manic-ish energy cleaned and collapsed cleaned and collapsed cleaned cleaned burned the peas Dale fried okra mashed potatoes it was a good dinner even without the peas but oh so tired very low energy mood for therapy.
Not sure I got the weeks days correct in all that splaining.
Yesterday I taught and got all riled up and actually angry which takes a lot of energy.
First class--Should we take in the Syrian Refugees lest we repeat the mistakes we made during the Holocaust?--
“No we have trust issues.” “No it’s human nature not to.” “No there are these Muslim men who have these meetings and rape little boys.”
Second Class—“Should we take in the Jews?” An of-a-sudden debate was attempted, attitudes adopted from Fox News research and MSNBC research as assigned. Mixed results. But intriguing conversation was had--
“Hitler. I remember him. Didn’t he have a statue of himself that we pulled down? That happened when I was four years old.” What? We are talking about 1942!!? “Hitler. I remember it ya’ll. I saw it.”
“Wait. Weren’t we allies with Germany in WWII?”
Other highlights from the week--
“Obama is a Muslim anyway.”
“Obama is going to declare martial law.”
The problem is this—I shut them down because I am so shocked by their utterly strange bewildering heartbreaking impossible ignorance. I say “I’m going to kill myself I really am.” I say “Yes. Obama is a Muslim he is not even an American citizen.” I say “Are you serious?” I say “That was a very stupid question.”
And even if I kept all of my emotions in check and just had them write about the essays in the book, none of which are current not even (the most recent from 2007), even then they would be flailing. Because “my personal opinion on the issue is that everyone can express their selves it is freedom of speaking a right they have a aspect in which they can say anything what they want.”
I am pouring so much of myself into these classes I am casting the pearls I love my students but I do despair I do work up fury within myself because they are not to blame their parents their communities their state their county should have done better.
Bother the GOD in his dreaming.
I must say something good.
Yesterday I watched The Diving Bell and The Butterfly. OMFG. Only artists should make serious movies. Thank you, Julian. Thank you, Roman. I absolve of your sins for you have given us joy.
I have the entire day to myself unto myself I don’t expect to do anything useful. My brain is too mushy. It will never stop raining. Have been sitting so much my tailbone is fretting. Perhaps should lower body into water and blow out my breath and lay body on the bottom and sleep.
I hear reports that the writing brain will dry up like a very mature vagina if you stop using it.
There will be fishhooks.
p.s. can we stop blaming mass shootings on mental illness now?