Then I went to see the administrator, who was an exceptionally nice woman who complicated my scent. (Michael Kors, lotion only. Lotion only is the only way to go. Do not buy perfume.)
I told her I had filled out the online application and she asked me for my resume. ?? I said I filled out the application. I didn’t bring my resume. (Because all this stuff was attached to the electronic application.?) She said she had attached a packet to the email she’d sent to me and it was all in the MEMO. Dolt my head. You didn’t get the MEMO.
But she took me back to a little room and had me use the computer on which I had to use EXPLORER which makes my mind a little crazy nuts because it is INSCRUTABLE.
I had been nervous when I woke up, when I left the house, when I swung by Wal-Mart the most evil place on earth, when I arrived at Chatt State.
But I retrieved my resume, printed it out, went in to give it to her, then sat down to go over the other things she needed, and she said I need to see your driver’s license and your social security card. I said, of course. I don’t have the card but I have the number and she said I have to have the actual CARD. Which sent me into a major tailspin nosedive.
Was in pretty bad shape yesterday morning. Doubting myself in every way, thinking how foolish I was, wondering what the hell happened. Then I started a journal entry that ending up being a longer letter to self. I made a list of all my recent stressors--
In order to keep myself from working on the book I became obsessed. To get a fridge. Which we did. Then I canceled the fridge. Then I HAD to buy another fridge. Then nightgowns/loungewear. Then plastic containers to organize my kitchen, as if cleaning the food out wouldn’t be enough. I don’t even LIKE plastic containers. DRIVEN behaviors. The sign of signs.
Then I pushed myself so hard. On the book.
Alex moving out. I have somehow put him out of my mind and am not worrying. But the move itself.
And James’ health. (I am worried because his muscles are quite atrophied which could be a general lack of exercise, or could be related to his heart failure. Or nutrition. We have addressed the nutrition and things are going well so far. I of course blame myself for this.
And my best friend’s sudden situation, mom sick and money difficulties.
And paying for Linda Sue’s bathroom.
Taking money from the Brokerage account.
Taking out a loan to pay for roof.
Conjuring money to pay for EFM because we didn’t stick to budget.
And thinking I MUST teach a class to help pay for all this.
And the gallbladder surgery coming up next Friday. Worrying about that because of the awful recovery from my hysterectomy.
Losing weight and somehow not obsessing over it too much, feeling like it’s a breeze. Then suddenly feeling like it is not a breeze at all.
And, on the top of all that, I get ANOTHER infection.
I am keeping the fridge.
But Friday I got up and got the hell out of the house. Drove to the Society Security office. It was swarming with people but I thought, just be calm. Just get out phone and work on book. Which I did. And was fine. Except for sitting across from the large pasty man with the most lovely perfectly-behaved caramel-skinned toddler boy child. Said man was the MOST annoying person in every possible way except that he didn’t smell. Wanted toddler to bite and mortally wound his face, then run away fast to a better life.
But it was okay. Then, picked up RX script for pain medicine from doctor. Been meaning to get it a long time. Haven’t really needed it. Will need it after surgery. Then got groceries. Brought them home put them away.
Then raced over to mall metropolis complex, had my glasses measured for new lenses, and stopped in to pick up gowns/loungewear items at Lane Bryant. Tried things on. Paid, left. Then went to mall and picked up supply of Clinique. Then drove home. Faxed in the forms to rollover my 401K. (I have been meaning to do this for the last year!)
Then had a lovely dinner with Jackson and Terri at Cracker Barrel. Then came home and had lovely down time. Then got up and tried on clothes and discovered just how much weight I’ve actually lost. (Will need new wardrobe by fall woe is me delight!!) Organized closet. Watched Mr. Robot with Dale. Went to sleep.
All this seems to have cured me. Paperwork, any sort of official do this and that you must go all over here and there to do that crap wears me out and something as daunting as having to get a new Social Security card IMMEDIATELY makes me nuts. Faxing forms to deal with money matters. Retrieving official transcripts. Anything like that I put off as long as possible. I hate dealing, even thinking of dealing with such things.
All our money stuff is set up on automatic withdrawal. EVERYTHING. Every single duck is in a row. Except when it isn’t. Boo paperwork. Boo details flotsam and jetsam. In heaven they will put me in charge of scheduling. And I will ask for a transfer to hell.
But this morning feeling good. Did not lose weight, but didn’t really gain. That is called steady as she goes.
Will work on book today.
And clean house. House is nasty.
If I could just figure out how to keep house under control. Figure out how to get rid of things, unneeded things. How to make the house smell good ALL the time even when the basement sticks when it rains.
How to keep fridge organized. How to plan and be reasonable about food so that the new fridge doesn’t become a larger version of the stuffed-sticky-dirty mess of the old one. I HATE my old fridge.
I love my new loungewear/gowns. I love it that loungewear is an actual word. I want to actually be dressed during the day/evening though I’m going nowhere.
Lane Bryant clothes are ridiculously expensive. But they last. I love the fashions from the Pyramid, but they are not well-made. At all. Lane Bryant clothes last forever. I have a velvet shirt from Lane Bryant that is over twenty years old and still looks great.
Sadly, I have to wear mostly black. I stain everything. I bought a bib to help deal with this. But I forget to wear the bid.
Cheap clothes from Amazon, black tees, fade. Also from Woman Within, Roaman, blah blah.
Underwear, even from Lane Bryant, wears out.
All things pass away.
It takes me forever to make even the slightest point.
It is light outside.
Time to make coffee and eat a bit. Drink my prune juice. WARM PRUNE JUICE. EVERY MORNING. It’s actually not bad. And does wonders for a sluggish bowel.