It just occurred to me. That I am actually walking through Disney’s Tower of Terror, the long path up. The abandoned Hollywood mansion. This may be because of Hannibal. I hear they are tearing down MGM to make Star Wars World. I love Star Wars but this makes me sad. I loved MGM.
Physical pain is not good, can be near unbearable; I am reminded of this when I say oh, mental pain is worse, the brain pain brain pan primal feral pain is worse. Until my hip my head my bones. Then I grab the oxy. Then the physical is all there is.
Perhaps the body is the buffer between me and the disease. The pain of the psyche, the pain of brain, some might say heart. Or soul. A well. That swallows one whole. The body is the wall between us. The bouncy ball pit. I fall backwards into it. Did you ever do that? That trust game? At summer camp. I think I did. Once. An exercise in closing ones eyes.
The gallbladder is suck. The very word is suck. The guts seat us. My guts are unseating me. As it were.
Saw the surgeon yesterday. So strange. So jittery himself. Physical tics and social weird so he must be a great surgeon. Which is not the same as a doctor. This man is a cutter. He doesn’t need to be a people person. He just needs steady hands.
I went (Dale with me) to discuss things that can be, must be done, for one who elects surgery one who is a fibro. He was amenable. Will pass info on to his nurse who should pass it on to the anesthesiologist. Which will not happen. I will give info to anesthesiologist when I get to hospital morning of surgery. This should happen-- Request that you be given a pre-operative opioid pain medication – about 90 mins. prior to surgery. I suspect that the woman who schedules the surgery will have to be told this. And retold this. And the nurses at the hospital. I will have to dog them about this.
One just stepping into this blog may think I am quite drear, but I am not. My mood has been quite good. Grumpy in the mornings. Duh. But cheery.
I worry that returning to work will overturn the mood. That I will be vulnerable again. The rolling hills the mercurial. God bless the girl please. Though she has not much turned to him as of late.
Looking forward to the fall. To working again. Looking forward to being with the students but will keep a weather eye on the mood the flibbertigibbet.
Looking forward to the new fridge. The new roof. The extra money to pay for these things. Looking forward forward forward to the surgery. The 17th. Friday Friday. TGIF.
Too tired too distracted for anything more just now.
And my eyes are always opening because I am always waking up.