uber anxious jittery jumpy young colt.
i am suck.
no, nothing awful has happened. but for whatever reason, when i get on the computer i am hamstering and cannot stop.
i need to move but i have pulled some muscle or something and i'm afraid it will make it worse.
i need to write but i refuse to write. reading would be good also but ditto.
am having to accept that i have gastroparesis. i do not want to have it. but it's like this. either i deal with it and feel better. or i try to ignore it and feel horrible.
boo suck mondays. i usually love mondays. but i didn't go to church yesterday. saturday i got super uber pissed with lowe's and canceled the refrigerator. now i am obsessed with getting the fridge. dumb dumb suck stupid.
went to daddy's yesterday. had a nice time. then we took my brother to his house and how amazing it was. i do not know how my father found this living situation for him, but he lives with this awesome cool caretaker in an awesome cool cabin i'd like to move into right now and there is only one other patient in the house. compared to where he lived before, and before that, and before that, this is a paradise. this would be a paradise for almost anybody. and the guy/caretaker person collects all kinds of cracker barrel stuff only much better. like a little museum on the wrap-around porch. and pigs. lots of pigs all over. and, in his bedroom a stuffed completely terrifying mountain lion at the foot of his bed. magnificent.
hope i can manage to get up and go. but if i can't manage to get up and go then i will get into bed and hide under the covers. just allow myself to try to relax and just be okay to give myself a break. i worked hard last week. i have mucked up maybe have a rip in a muscle and it's okay if i don't do anything. like the sign across from me right now--sometimes it's okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.
yes, please. i'll have some more.