Obviously not at church. Except with the girls in my dream. And in Friday night's dream. I have not had dreams like this in a long time. These dreams feed and instruct me.
I am finally over the plague wasting sickness it has loosened its grip perhaps all I needed was my lover to come home.
Was mean and passive-aggressive to my friend last night. I had been pissy earlier in the day and lashed out last night because I was frustrated. Like it or not, even with old old friends, I just do better in smaller doses of socilizing. Unless I drink, and I just can't do much of that anymore. Just about anything is fun if you're drinking, but if you're not, if I'm not, I need a focus. A real conversation. A game. A movie. Singing.
And it is a great pain to me that I just do not "get" to read to anyone now except for Dale. It doesn't bother me all the time as it once did, but it still bubbles up to the surface sometimes and I am suddenly hurt and furious and needy and mean. Which is what happened last night. Writing is what I do but I don't have any friends to share my writing with. Yes yes boo boo fucking hoo hoo. Grow up. I'm working on it. But the lesson is, social time needs to be shorter rather than longer.
Yesterday day I read Sheryl St. Germain's "The Call of Bagpipes." This is the first essay I've read of hers and I am in love. Because her writing is like my own but better than my own and makes me want to be a better writer. I love reading things that delight me and wow me and teach me something new about how to write.
Will probably go to lunch though I'm not certain I want to. I do want to. But I also don't want to. Do anything. But I need to get moving and do things. Because I do feel much better. Probably all the way better.