Maybe too much stimulation yesterday. Maybe the sugar maybe the smoke maybe the sausage maybe the candy maybe because I didn’t go to the pool maybe because it’s a heavy morning so I’ve had a most terrible life or that life that me that good thing is slipping away in the car mirror the side view closer than it appears not this this is slipping over the edge the map has ended there be dragons gods a giant sucking in swallowing down sound.
Perhaps the writing has backed up in my head is ready to come out a sentence a paragraph the trick is to get started to keep going. And going. The trick is to get started. The trick is to not fly apart the chest the heart must not splinter someone God must they must all the gods must catch and catch her. Catch her. I cannot even call her me call her I she is us she is too many parts she is rusty plumbing she is down and out even though the sun even though the breakfast even though the perfect banana.
Perhaps life is suddenly too full too much of it too little of her too many of them things moving fast getting faster becomes a blur what becomes a blur what happens when you get exactly what you want because she always gets exactly what she wants or at least it seems to her that she does that she got it that she planned it all beforehand the great council of gods what would you like what do you want to be to do who do you think you most are go forth perhaps you’ll meet her here go forth everything is exactly as it should be what it should what you’re doing you asked for it sorry you got mixed up gave too many details not enough instructions or as everyone else has forgotten you have forgotten everything you never flew across the water in a dragon boat you never walked across the flagstones in wooden shoes or leather or stiletto heels really admit it you’ve never been here at all except you’re sure it’s clear she’s a very very old soul.
My face is an oily hole a woman with dirt for her mouth a woman with blubber for her body a woman with a missing piece the missing piece she is so sorry so sorry for whatever it is that she took they took her she’s very white very clean very blank so blank so cover her over with guilt the default what always comes she is so sorry I am so so sorry it’s a very bad day very bad but she must she has to admit that her chest just lifted just a little balloon or bubble cartoon voice yes yes it’s 8:09 your words have chircked you even so slight a climb up two rungs you’ll get there she will I will the sky is clearing.